


Ritsuka's Loving Self

by Serralinda



Series: Yaoi-licious Tales and Other Stuff [1]
Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: First Time, Lemon, M/M, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:15:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serralinda/pseuds/Serralinda
Summary: In typical Uenoyama fashion, he's ready - maybe? - to finally go all the way. Mafuyu's been waiting patiently.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Series: Yaoi-licious Tales and Other Stuff [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692250
Comments: 22
Kudos: 297





	Ritsuka's Loving Self

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DragonTrayner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonTrayner/gifts).



> Serralinda here! Greetings to you, newcomers and those who've read some (all?) of my ongoing series, the Tokyo Yaoiverse.
> 
> This is the first in what I hope will become a collection of stories, one-shots, and other miscellaneous writings that I can't fit into the main series. So, they are (mostly) related to my other stories and may have small references, but should stand alone just fine.
> 
> Here is Ritsuka's and Mafuyu's first time going all the way. It takes place sometime around my story #43, Unorthodox Thinkers.
> 
> Given is the creation of the mangaka, Kizu Natsuki.

**Ritsuka's Loving Self**

Uenoyama Ritsuka believed in internet research. Any and all questions had answers available if you looked for them. Those answers were often terrible, but they were there. Not useful, not accurate, not possible, but still. Better than nothing?

At least asking the internet was anonymous and saved his nerves. For a high-strung person like him, that was important. Just the thought of asking someone like Kaji face-to-face about gay sex gave Ritsuka heart palpitations and threatened to bring up his last meal.

So – to the internet!

 _Ack! Gah!_ Ritsuka slammed closed the lid of his laptop. He wanted to slam the images out of his head but that would put a dent in the wall he'd have to explain to the landlord.

 _I can't do this! I just...can't!_ He looked across the room at the bag. The plain plastic bag sitting in the corner. The bag Ren had given him, claiming the manga inside were really good, that Kanako had great taste in BL stories. Ritsuka had stuck the bag in the corner and tried to forget it existed, determined to follow his own path to figuring this out.

But the internet was failing him and he was desperate. Live gay porn just wasn't something he could bring himself to watch. He didn't find any of the people attractive, for one. And hearing all the sounds they were making... _Eek! It'll have to be manga._

He grabbed the bag and emptied it out onto the floor, sorting through the titles. Those were so cheesy, he made faces at them. How to choose? He ignored the titles and studied the artwork on the covers. _This one._ He picked up Jumpstart My Heart* by Tengan Jomei, steeled himself, opened the cover.

An hour later, Ritsuka closed the book, closed his eyes, sighed like the silliest heroine of a shoujo manga. He'd fallen in love with the story, never mind the incredible artwork. And the sex scenes – amazing! Nothing like that awful live-action porn, reading this story had turned Ritsuka on as well as tugged at his heartstrings.

_How can some drawings make me feel like I know these guys? Make me root for them, almost cry for them, put a big stupid grin on my face when it all worked out in the end?_

It had been much easier for Ritsuka to relate to the drawn characters than any living ones. He could imagine Mafuyu in those positions, making those sorts of faces. And he could hear Mafuyu's voice – his beautiful voice – calling his name, moaning...Ngh! Ritsuka had a raging boner he was going to have to deal with before Mafuyu got home from work.

He took care of that, then cleaned himself up and flopped face down on his bed. His bed, in his room. Across the hall were Mafuyu's room and bed. _Here or there? If we do it here, I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep in this bed again without going crazy. Unless he sleeps with me? Ohmygod. I want that!_

It was so complicated, yet so simple. He loved Mafuyu and desired him. Mafuyu wanted him as well, he knew that. They made out, they had done the mutual masturbation/handjob thing a few times. That was embarrassing as hell but also felt really good. Now, finally, Ritsuka felt he was ready to go all the way. Kind of.

He knew the steps, knew what to do and how to do it. He was pretty sure. But that amounted to saying you knew how to hit a home run when you'd never held a baseball bat – it meant nothing faced with the reality of actually doing the deed.

Worst was knowing Mafuyu wasn't a virgin. He'd already had sex before with...Yoshida Yuuki. Mafuyu's first love, first and only lover, best friend from childhood, amazing musician. Ritsuka hated that he couldn't think about this without the specter of Yoshida hovering in the background.

“ _Mafuyu's over it! The new song – that was him telling you he loves you!”_ yelled Ritsuka's Frustrated Self.

“ _But...! What if I'm no good? What if I hurt him? Oh My God, I'm scared!”_ whimpered Ritsuka's Virgin Self.

“ _You've studied. You know what to do. You won't be perfect the first time, but that's okay.”_ Ritsuka's Practical Self reassured him.

“ _It's going to be amazing! I can't wait! He's so adorable! And sexy! I wanna touch him and squeeze him and lick him and...”_ Ritsuka's Horny Self could go on and on like that for hours.

The front door to their apartment opened and closed and all of Ritsuka's internal selves shut up for the moment. He went out to greet Mafuyu.

“Welcome home!”

“I'm home.” Mafuyu kicked off his shoes and walked straight into Ritsuka's arms.

He clutched at Mafuyu, buried his face in soft, copper-colored hair, drew in a deep breath of Mafuyu's scent. “H-how was work? Are you hungry?”

“I ate during my break. I'm just tired. Ritsuka, that was it – my last shift.”

“You can't just eat bar snacks! I'll heat up some...What?” Ritsuka stepped back a pace to look at Mafuyu's face. “What do you mean, your last shift?”

“Letterbox Live House is going to close down indefinitely. Maybe only for a few weeks, but no one is sure. People were still coming in, but not nearly as many as usual. And several bands canceled their gigs. So they decided it's not worth it to stay open during all this.”

 _Of course._ Ritsuka shouldn't be surprised. The virus was finally starting to affect all the businesses that operated on customer gatherings. He hadn't liked Mafuyu continuing to work there anyway. His own job at the convenience store wouldn't be stopping – the only change there was the employees were now required to wear gloves and a mask at all times.

“That's good. I mean, that's bad for the owners, but I'm glad you won't be exposed to so many people all the time.”

“But what about the bills?”

“We'll figure it out. I can borrow money from my parents if I have to. It's probably only for a month. Two at most. We'll be okay. I can steal toilet paper from work,” he joked. “Haru and Ren will feed us sometimes. This is better than you getting sick.”

“If I get sick, will you nurse me through it?” Mafuyu asked, a teasing tone to his voice. “Put cold packs on my head, feed me soup, wash me?”

“ _Wash him?! All over?!”_ Ritsuka's Panicked Self and his Horny Self screeched in his head.

“Uh, sure? Anything you need, I'm here for you. Now,” he pushed Mafuyu toward the bathroom, “go take a shower and I'll warm up those leftovers...!”

Mafuyu had a grip on his hand. “I don't want food. Shower with me.”

“I...what...no! I mean...”

“Please?”

He managed to meet Mafuyu's eyes, where he saw gentle amusement and pleading and desire, even a hint of his own fears. Mafuyu wanted him, scary as that was for both of them, and Mafuyu had decided he wasn't going to wait any longer for Ritsuka to work up the nerve. All Ritsuka's Inner Selves shut down.

With a little tug, Mafuyu led Ritsuka into their bathroom and closed the door behind them. He turned on the hot water, started the shower running. But when he began to remove his shirt, Ritsuka stopped him.

“Let me do that?”

Mafuyu nodded and stood there passively waiting. Ritsuka slid his hands under the hem, pushing the t-shirt up as they went. Flat stomach, ribs a touch too prominent ( _he needs to eat more..._ ), smooth – Mafuyu's skin was so very smooth. One fingertip encountered a nipple and brushed over it.

“Heh! That tickles!”

It was like some switch was flipped in Ritsuka's head. That particular tone in Mafuyu's voice – breathy, low, excited – set his blood boiling. He shoved the shirt up to Mafuyu's neck and latched on to one nipple with his lips, sucked it, licked it. He wanted to bite it, once it was stiff against his mouth.

“Ahh!” Mafuyu pulled his shirt off the rest of the way then snatched Ritsuka's off as well.

Their lips met finally. Ritsuka thrust his tongue into Mafuyu's mouth, felt more than heard Mafuyu moan in response. He wasn't at all aware of Mafuyu continuing to remove their clothes until his hands wandered their way from head to shoulder blades to bare ass. In shock, he automatically stepped backward and almost fell because his pants were down around his ankles.

Mafuyu caught him, pulled him back in, licked his ear. “Don't stop now.”

That tone again. Ritsuka kicked away the offending pants, toed off his socks, maneuvered them into the shower stall. The hot water cascaded over their heads, into their open mouths, down their naked bodies. Ritsuka was barely aware of Mafuyu's hands leaving him for a moment, then he felt the fluffy sponge thing ( _who cares what it's called!_ ) rubbing against his back and then his chest.

Mafuyu had lathered it up and was washing him. Ritsuka took it away from him and used it on Mafuyu instead, the soap making them both slippery and smelling of strawberries. Gah! He loved that smell, the smell of Mafuyu still coming through when he sucked at Mafuyu's neck, then licked his way down to a rosy nipple.

Mafuyu's hands were on his head, urging him to go lower. “I don't know what I'm doing...” he murmured.

“It doesn't matter,” Mafuyu told him, leaning back against the tiles. “Whatever you do is fine. It's wonderful.”

Hands first. Ritsuka used the sponge to caress Mafuyu's erection, his balls, even farther back, which drew out a gasp. _Was that bad?_ No, Mafuyu widened his stance a little. “Mmm...more...”

That did it. Ritsuka dropped the sponge, dropped to his knees, and before he could think about it, licked Mafuyu from base to crown. He tasted the soap and something a little salty and wanted more. _Teeth behind my lips_ , he reminded himself as he opened his mouth and slid it down over the tip.

He explored with his tongue, was careful not to bite, and almost choked when he went a little too far down. He added his soap-slick hand so he wouldn't do that again. Gagging wasn't sexy. But sucking Mafuyu was. He felt so alive in Ritsuka's mouth. Mafuyu's cock twitched and jumped and he could feel Mafuyu's pulse pounding and hear him panting and moaning and tasted more of the saltiness.

Maybe Ritsuka was clumsy and had no technique, but he had enthusiasm and paid close attention to Mafuyu's responses. All that studying had been useful after all. He reached one hand around and sank his fingers into a firm ass cheek, kneading and slowly, hesitantly, moving toward... _Should I? I should, right?_ He touched and Mafuyu shuddered, legs wobbling.

Mafuyu bent over, steadied himself on Ritsuka's shoulders. “There. Yes.”

Ritsuka groped for the sponge to make his fingers slippery again then touched, rubbed, and...slid inside. _Oh, fuck!_ He did not expect it to feel so hot or like it was gripping his finger.

“Ahh! Ritsuka! I'm..I'm gonna...” Mafuyu pulled out of his mouth and came onto Ritsuka's surprised face. “Ahh! Hah! Uff! Oh god! I'm sorry!” Mafuyu gasped and giggled as Ritsuka removed the finger to clutch Mafuyu's hips before his knees buckled completely. Mafuyu slumped to the shower floor, splashed water and wiped at Ritsuka's face and then kissed him.

“Go wait for me in bed - your bed. I'll be there in a minute and we'll continue.”

_Ack! Mafuyu is going to...? Right? Prepare himself? Do I offer to help with that? I kind of want to but-_

“Shoo!”

 _Better let him do it this time._ Ritsuka scrambled out of the shower, legs unsteady as well. In a daze, he dried himself off and flopped onto his bed. _Lights on? Off?_ There was light coming in through the window from a street lamp. _That's enough._ He didn't want it too bright. _What am I even...? We don't have to..._ He wasn't hard, he'd been too focused on Mafuyu. But as he lay there replaying events...

 _Will it even fit? He was so tight! I mean, I'm not all that big or anything, but still!_ Remembering the heat, he swelled. _Oh god!_ He pulled the blankets over his head. Then he shoved them aside and fumbled in the bedside table for the lube and condoms he'd bought ages ago, sitting them on top where they were easy to reach. He dove beneath the blankets again and waited.

It wasn't long. It took forever. The bed sank beside him and the covers were pulled aside and then a warm and damp Mafuyu was snuggling up at his side. Naked. All over. Just like Ritsuka.

They kissed, sweetly, softly. Mafuyu was coaxing him, encouraging him, setting a rhythm and a pace that swept Ritsuka up and drove away the nervousness. Mafuyu slid his hand down and simply pressed it over Ritsuka's cock, which had wavered between hard and soft as he waited but now was fully erect and throbbing.

Taking one of Ritsuka's hands, Mafuyu poured the lube onto it. “Touch me again.” He hitched one leg across Ritsuka's stomach, giving him more access. His lips nibbled at Ritsuka's neck.

Reaching down and back, Ritsuka's finger entered easier this time, but it was still tight. He pushed in deeper, searching for the place he'd read about. It took a bit of trial and error, but he found it.

“Ngh!” Mafuyu's body shook.

Moving his finger in and out, he was careful to find the spot again and again. Muscles loosened and Ritsuka dared to add another finger. When two were moving smoothly enough, he whispered. “Is it okay now? One more finger? Tell me what to do, Mafuyu.”

Mafuyu's response was to roll onto his back, pulling Ritsuka on top. He reached for a condom, quickly applied it to Ritsuka with some more lube, then smiled up at him. “It's okay. Just go slow, if you can.”

Breath catching in his throat, Ritsuka nodded. _Slow, slow, slow,_ he chanted to himself and placed the tip of his cock at the right place and rubbed it against Mafuyu a few times before starting to push.

Only a few centimeters in, and he felt ready to explode. “Not that slow!” Mafuyu's legs wrapped around his waist and forced him deeper.

Shaken, Ritsuka froze and trembled. _Mafuyu – I'm_ _ **inside**_ _Mafuyu!_ “Oh my god! Oh shit! Mafuyu...!”

Mafuyu reached up and touched his cheek, brushed away a tear. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I love you. Because I was afraid this would never happen and I wanted you so much. Because it feels really, really good!”

Mafuyu laughed, just a little, joyfully. “I love you, too, Ritsuka.”

With one hand he pulled Ritsuka's mouth down and the other gripped his ass and pulled him closer. They moaned together as Ritsuka began to move.

Virgin Ritsuka faded away and Horny Ritsuka took over. Tenderly at first, trying to be considerate, then thrusting more deliberately as he stopped thinking altogether, Ritsuka made Mafuyu his own first lover. Nothing else mattered, no one else existed but the two of them, grunting, panting, crying out, clutching at each other.

It didn't take long. It lasted forever.

Ritsuka did make sure that Mafuyu came again before he let go of all control. And when he came, deep inside Mafuyu, he knew his life had completely changed and he would need Mafuyu by his side always. Quiet, complicated, frustrating, enchanting, adorable Mafuyu – no matter what happened, he would fight to keep them together.

Completely wiped out, physically and emotionally, the two young men made a token effort to clean themselves up before they gave in to sleep. Ritsuka had one last thing to do though. It didn't require him to move away from Mafuyu's arms or cost him anything.

_Goodbye, Yoshida. I'm sorry, but he's mine now and I'm his. I'll take good care of him, I promise._

“ _That's all I can ask for, now isn't it? Don't worry so much. You're better for him than I ever was, sad to say. Make him happy or I'll come back to haunt you!”_

Jeeze, Yoshida was a pain, even as a ghost. Ritsuka kissed Mafuyu's head and fell asleep, all accounts settled, nothing left to worry about. Ritsuka's Loving Self would make sure of it.

* _Tengan Jomei_ \- the pen name of Yukina Kou.


End file.
